and there really is a baby in there

i went for a sonogram just to make sure everything was okay due to some spotting last week - and there really is a baby in there. not that i doubted it in the least (actually i totally still did not believe that sweet baby #2 was on its way) - but i heard the heartbeat and have a picture of a kidney beans shaped baby. holy cow! i do have to hit the pause button on my running regime until my doctor can look over the sonogram.... i guess that lends the question i was pondering last night about having started to really identify myself as a runner. i can think back over the last couple of years as see that i have really struggled with identifying myself by what i "do" teacher, new mom, runner. i have gotten a lot of satisfaction out of those titles, particularly that most recently acquired, or acknowledged, title. i am having a hard time with the thought of putting "her" (that lean, mean, running machine) to rest for the next year or so. it really brings to the surface how little of my true identity is primary in my life. i am first and foremost a daughter of the King of the Universe. doesn't that trump everything else?! well, it should..... but i rarely relish that title for myself.... i relish the ones that i have worked hard to obtain - not the one that cost the life of my savior on the cross and was given to me so freely. how trivial i can be. that struggle may be at the forefront.... it is not a bad struggle to again learn how to savor the love of my heavenly father as he has adopted me as his very own. oh to be so simple minded.....

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