another marriage book

i am working my way through another marriage book. in the first book i read, he quoted this book in almost every chapter, so i thought i would give it a whirl. i am only through the first two parts (out of five). it is good. i like that there are questions at the end of each chapter to work through - it is good for me to take a hard look at what i really believe is true of me, my spouse, and our marriage. there are some tough questions, some good ones, and some that i just couldn't answer cuz i wasn't quite sure actually.

part one asks the question: who are we as husbands and wives? what i like about this book is that each part is really four chapters. chapters 1 & 4 is about a specific couple that allowed their story to be told. chapters 3 & 4 are about scripture. that is where the hard questions come in. so, back to part one - two things that really struck me. first, "in view of the cosmic status of each individual as a reflection of god's image, we cannot view our spouse as an object to be tolerated, used, or despised. to do so is to scorn the very glory of god." and second: "the goal of marriage is twofold: to reveal the glory of god and to enhance the glory of one's spouse." it is hard to realize that i fail to do this in SO many ways that i almost didn't know where to begin looking. some of the questions that really struck me were: what prevents you from seeing your spouse as a unique reflection of god's glory; what is most beautiful & wonderful in your spouse; what about your spouse are you most thankful; does thinking about your spouse lead you to worship god?
not that i don't have a great husband, but some of these were tough because i tend to look at the ways that he frustrates me or disappoints me more than seeing his reflection of god or how he enhances my reflection of god.

part two ask the question: what are our roles as husbands and wives? it is simple; "the purpose of every marriage is to shape the raw material of life to reveal more fully the glory of god. either we labor to enhance glory, or we exploit the beauty of creation for our pride and pleasure." wow! how much i sell my marriage short from really grasping the deep purpose of it all. but all of this amazing stuff gets really hard and really yucky sometimes because of the nastiness of my own heart and the heart of my husband.
"our greatest privilege is not in shaping a symphony, learning to fly-fish, directing a ministry, or even providing food and clothing for our children. our greatest privilege is shaping the character of the soul to reflect the image of christ." do i really see that as my great purpose? not really. this is where i really had to look hard and see that i don't. i don't shape beauty out of the chaos that is my life in marriage. i do not sow seeds with my words that "bring a harvest of fruit that blesses god." ouch! here are some of the questions from this section that really struck me: where do you find it hard to dream in your marriage; what specific vision do you have for your spouse; in what ways to you refuse to suffer - that is to be patient, to bear pain, and to persevere with your spouse; in what ways are you conscious of the effect your words have on your spouse; are you forgiving in your relationship with your spouse; what goals do you have for your marriage?

all of this to say that i am still working through the book. it is more personally intense than the thompson book because of the personal evaluation it is calling me to make. journey on!