my first born....

is two today. how did that happen? i know that i have two children but how did i get to have a two year old. there is no baby in him! he knows his colors, can recognize the letter "m" for micah & "d" for daddy, can count to 2.....what happened?!

i have been thinking about his for about two weeks now. two years ago today, i became a mom. i mean i was in the process for nine months, true. but in one day, my life was no longer my own....the reality of my time no longer being own, my body had long ceased to be my own..... it all changed. what a delight though to hold that baby.....but have i gotten any better at this?! of course, i am not as nervous, neurotic, worried because i know they don't break, scraps mend, bruises heal.....it is the other stuff that i think i am still worry about. his heart: do i cuddle him enough? do i scold him enough? is there enough freedom? are there enough boundaries? are we outside enough? do i introduce him to books enough? does he eat enough veggies? does he eat too many starches? blah, blah, blah?

i know that i am good mom because i love my kid, try not to spoil him, give him boundaries, and encourage him to discover the world on his own. that is what is fun about a two year old....discovering the world through his eyes; learning about jesus, prayer, and church; figuring out likes & dislikes.....he LOVES broccoli right now..... i know all this but i know that we all have insecure moments where we wonder if we are doing the best for them. he is a crazy kid....but he is mine.

i told him today.... "you are a gift from god. the lord blessed me with you. i am not thankful enough for you. i pray that you would grow up to be a man who loves jesus and loves people more than himself." it is hard to think about the fact that if i do my job well, he is supposed to leave me confidently & boldly. my prayer for myself today is that i trust god enough to let him leave.