i just don't agree....

before i begin, i have to preface that i am coming from an entirely different place than the author. i disagree with her on all fundamental theories. it is just her basis for it all is wrong (in my humble opinion, that in which i ask no one else to share).

okay... here we go.
first, i did not read it in its entirety because i got bored and wanted to watch re-runs of earl, frankly.
second, i got the point quickly and didn't need 321 full pages to get the idea. i am sure that i missed stuff but i am just fine with that.

her point: "i am proud and grateful to count myself among the working women who have struggled so hard to build complete, self-sufficient adult lives. the juggling act may be out of fashion now, but there hasn't been a single moment when i didn't feel unbelievably lucky to have engaged in all the battles necessary to maintain that ostensibly discredited goal" (page 320). [that would be the goal of 'having it all' - family, marriage, and career]

her charge: "you deserve nothing less. so don't jeopardize your future by settling for a half a life. the whole world is out there waiting for you to engage with it. if you do, you will earn not only money and acclaim but the truest components of success: the freedom to make whatever choices you need to make, the security that comes with self-sufficiency, the self-knowledge you gain by exploring every facet of your own potential, the intense joy that results from using your gift fully" (page 321). [the half life being for those of us who "just stay at home"]

to summarize: her point is that women have bought back into the 1950s ideal in choosing to stay at home with their children and thus making themselves economically vulnerable; that by supporting a husband's career "all [the] dividends belong to him - as does the career itself. ultimately, it's his asset, not yours" (page 21).

she argues that "combining work & family is an immeasurable improvement over being confined to a purely domestic life" (page149).

i understand her point in wanting women to protect themselves in a culture where half of all marriages end in divorce, but i feel like that is the premise of her book... hedge your bets and realize that you can only rely on yourself. which, i fundamentally, biblically totally disagree with. i don't live in a perfect world and my head is not in the sand but i believe that god intended it to look very different than her assessment of marriage, life, family, AND community. i am perfectly fine totally disagreeing with her outlook....and i will leave it at that.

for all my friends who are moms, work, and fight for their marriages.... you rock! i think her book just neglects to recognize that it is a hard job no matter how it looks and that i am less in touch with my "humanity" because i stay at home is a whole lot of hogwash!

a great article about her book in the new yorker: "the wives of others."
worth reading what other smart people think of her book.